Overwhelmed.

Dragonfly, dragonfly, fly me up to the sky, drag down the Moon, bring her to me, in our hearts we shall sing.

Its been a stressful time in my life, on many fronts. Some very positive, some not so positive. I am moving house soon, and this is a welcome event, though wrapped with stress and complexities. My health has been sub-par recently and I find my brain sputtering, like a car engine with bad spark plugs. My glands are painful and I am very run down.

I am an American living in the UK and I am recently experiencing feelings of being a foreigner due to some restructuring at my employment. Although I have permanent residency here, I am still technically an alien and this might cause some issues in keeping my job. I have verbal assurances it wont but nothing in writing yet.

So, in times like these, where I have to be very focused and attentive and keep track of multiple highly important things going on, I have been keeping a quote from Pema Chodron in my mind: “Start where you are”.

I love this saying. It is so obvious, so simple, yet so full of wisdom. I am frequently feeling overwhelmed and lacking the necessary cognitive tools to navigate through this phase of complexity; however, keeping this phrase in my mind’s eye has proved very helpful and calming. Centering.

This, and also lists, many many lists!!!

Most people have times in their lives like this… very complex, very busy and feeling more than just a bit under the weather… During these times, meditation is very interesting to say the least. We see how fast our minds are racing, for me, my thoughts seem to be a collection of many many dogs, all of whom are chasing their tails…. All these thoughts going circular, never settling and just creating more stress . Clearly seeing our situation, whether calm or chaotic, is very important. My ‘vision’ is very hazy right now, due to my brain’s sparkplugs needing cleaning, so to speak, but I can see clearly that I am foggy, and that’s ok. I still know the moon is up there, behind those clouds, beyond my foggy ground and its pull, its gravity, can always be felt and I can never be separate from it, even if I tried!

My deep faith in the Universe’s love makes me smile, that, as well as coming home to my wonderful wife and my little boy, 2 years old, who now regularly is calling me ‘papa’. How wonderful!

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18 thoughts on “Overwhelmed.

  1. Great post. I’m impressed by your suggestion (both here and in other posts) that illness can actually serve as a vehicle to greater awareness, to a deeper connection with life and the reality of who we are. One of my chronic health conditions has seemed to serve in this way: it has allowed me to more often surrender to life and the way things are in a way that was perhaps more difficult when my health was better. And I want to emphasize that this act of surrender is not at all passive or a kind of “giving up”. By contrast, it is a radical willingness to reside within the space of the present moment and the reality it offers.

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  2. Good luck to you with your challenges. I have moved about 15 times since leaving Bay Shore and have grown with each move. I hope you can find a happy place. Seriously, take it one day at a time, keep up with your spiritual stuff too, that will help. Worrying about the future leads to anxiety, just like worrying about the past leads to depression. Stay in the present my friend. Good luck to you and your family. 🙂

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    • Thanks GraceAnn! You have moved quite a bit.. and I can relate… I, too, have moved about that many times since Bay Shore… Sometimes as close as the apartment below me, sometimes around the block, sometimes across the State, sometimes to another State and once to another country!
      I really like what you say about the past and the future.. so true!
      Many thanks for your encouragement! 🙂

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  3. Sending blessings to you at this time. I’m sorry for your overwhelm and challenges. You have a good attitude and wisdom to carry with you through. I have Pema Chodron’s *Start Where You Are* at my bedside now. Namaste.

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  4. Keep your faith in seeing your future Happy and Secure…. Know that to experience the new in our lives we have to let go of the old.. and letting go of what seems to be our security blanket can seem daunting, because we want to hang onto what we know…
    I so understand what you are going through, as our health takes a battering when we get stressed…
    Keep Breathing and pulling in those energies you know are there within the Universe my friend… and trust…. as your 2 yr old little boy trusts …. Life is putting us all just where we need to be right now…. Keep Positive and Know ALL is well…….
    Blessings
    Sue

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  5. Start where you are…such a fundamental reminder…pretty much my mantra on a retreat recently…the ‘good’, the ‘bad’ and the ‘ugly’…start where you are…the gateway to what is truly beautiful…loving presence

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